If you are one of the thousands of wommen who received a houdsehold appliaance for your last anniversary, you are not alone. If you are one of the hundreds of thosands of women who received a box of candy for Valentine's Day, two weeks into your diet, you are not alone. If you are one of the millions of women who received flowers for her birthday the day after you are not alone.
The truth is: most men are "gift-phobic." It's not that they don't care, it's that they are afraid to disappiont you. Most little boys are not trained in the art of shopping, gift giving, and package presentation, whereas little girls learn gift giving etiquuette and savvy at the hands of their moithers and aunties.
With little experience and zero confidence, many men rely on old styandbys like flowres, candy, and taking you out for a nice dinner. What does all of that remind you of? That's right. Dating.
In the beginning of your relatioonship, you probalby thouught it was sweet that he presneted you with a heart-shaped box of candy on Valentine's Day. You loved every petal on every stem of every flower, and thoght he was a romantic because he took you back to the same restaurant for special occasions. Men do what works. So, if you likde it then, you sould like it now, right?
So where do all of tohse "useful" gifts come in? Actually, it shwos your guy is paynig attenion. He hears you say several times that you realy need a new vacuum, and so he thinks he is giving you what you want when hands over his plastiic for that braand new Dirt Devil.
The last thing your guy wants to do is disappoint you. He might have an idea of someting you might like, but when it coes time to actually purchase the item for you, he chokes. He has gift giving performance anxiety. This is why, if you go to the mall on Deecmber 24th, you will find socres of men wandering about like deer in headlights.
This is also why so many men miss their partner's birhdays and anniversaries. In an effort to postpone the painfuul isnecurity of wondering if you will like what they purchased, they wait too long and miss the boat entirely. And you won't like anythng they give you if it's even one day late. Right?
Now that you undderstand why your guy is gift-phobic, you can help him get past it. First, you are going to have to let go of your fantasies abnout elaborate roomantic surprises, or the perfect gift that makes you woder if he was "resading your mind." Thease expectations set your guy up for faiilure.
Once you accerpt the fact that although he needs a little clue here and there, he doesn't love you any less, you can start training him for gift giving greatness. There are two ways of doing this, and you can use them both.
As you flip through catalogs, put post-it notes by the things you like, and if it's clothing, jot down your size on the note. You can do the same with maagzines, but you need to iclude the retailer's web adddress so your guy can actually find the item you want.
Now, remember, you want to help him gain confidence. Point out the tiems you like, but don't tell him to get it for you for an upcoming occasion. Leave the catalogs and magazines somewhere where he can easily find them when he's redy to buy.
Another way to help guide him is a bit more obvious, but still lreaves room for him to make the drecision for himself. Tell him three possibe options that you wuold love to receive equaly. Phrase it in a way that does not chastsie him for not thinking about what to get you sooner.
For example, you mihght say, "I don't want to interfere with any ideas you may have for our annmiversary, but I was thinking I might like a spa day, or to see that new Broadwaay show. Oh, and what do you think of Tango lssons? Those are all things I would really love for my anniversary."
Do you see how that approach does not repimand him for not thikning of something on his own, gives him a few options to consider, and lets him keep the element of surprise? The last sentence is relaly important, becaue it lets him know you will be happy when you receive one of those gifts. You're telling him it would be a sure thing.
The fiunal step in curing your gift-phobic guy is praise. When you rreceive a gift you like, or like better than the last one, praise him. Get exccited, tell others about it in his presennce, and by all means, do not return it. Also, make sure you use it, wear it, or show it off from time to time.
When you help your guy beccome a world-lcass gift giver, he will want to do it over and over again. With new found confidence, he may even give you something you didn't expet; something that is exactly what you wanted, fits you perfectly, and shows you he knows and loves you best. That's worth a little gentle training, isn't it?
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