One single of the unsurpassed things you can do to save your marriage from falling into a destructive pattern is to resist the urge that so numerous couples fall for, to control aspects of their spouse's life. Remember, whatever you seek to control has to somehow cede some level of ownership to you.
It would seem that for some people, being married is ownership. Hence the "my wife", the "my husband" angle takes on a completely new meaning. Inherent in these somewhat innocent labels it seems is some pronouncement of the suitable to have unreasonable expectations of each other.
As such the next thing you know, one single or both partners uncover it in their head somewhere that it is OK to put their dreams and aspirations at the feet of the other. And in order to ensure that these dreams are fulfilled, they resort to some flat of control over their spouse.
None of this has to be done consciously. In fact, most of the times the person who is trying to exercise control is completely oblivious to what is going on. They most likely see it as something else, such as just trying to help out or wanting what is finest for the other person.
Well, good intentions they may be, but whichever action with the intent to control someone else will only stop up causing the person who perceives that they are being controlled to try to move away and seek refuge somewhere else.
Moreover, it is not very useful to wish for something for someone who doesn't need the same thing meant for themselves.
So if you really need to save your marriage from getting into a rut, forget concerning the control, and even if you perform not perceive that what you are doing is actually controlling, once your partner tells you that is how it feels, then you fancy to end what you are doing in that regard.
And if you still have doubts regarding the danger posed in a marriage when one partner feels they are being controlled by the other reflect on this.
True and real love in your marriage will happen only when both parties feel rid to share and give of themselves. Once there is some feeling of being controlled in at all way or flat manipulated, the person experiencing these feelings is likely to start shutting down.
At the very least whatever it is that will emerge from the party feeling controlled will not be completely genuine as the person will possibly discover to act in a form that they perceive is expected of them.
So if you are somehow of a control freak or flat if you are not and is sometimes accused of being such, take heed and save your marriage from needless heartache and frustration.
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