- Does the abuser wait until you're in private to abuse you?
- Can the abuser stop the abuse when people suddenly come around such as the police or concerned friends?
- Does he batter or abuse other people when he's not in control?
- Is the abuser careful about not leaving marks or bruises where others can see them?
People who commit domestic violence do it to gain and maintain control over their victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers will often use one, multiple or all of these methods to get what they want:
Dominance - abusers want complete control. They want to make all the decisions and may treat you like a child, servant or piece of property and want you to obey without question.
Humiliation - abusive people want to make you feel bad about yourself in hopes that you won't leave. Anything to breakdown your self-esteem such as name-calling, insults, put-downs especially in front of other people are humiliation tactics.
Isolation - in order to have complete control and lessen the chances of being caught, an abuser will often forbid you to see the people you love the most such as family, friends and children. They will slowly limit what you can and can't do and where you can and can't go.
Threats - an abuser will threaten to hurt or kill you in order to make you drop the charges or keep quiet about the abuse. They may threaten your children and loved ones, too.
Intimidation - your abuser may use intimidation tactics to let you know that if you don't obey there will be serious consequences. Such tactics include: threatening looks or gestures, breaking things in front of you, abusing your pets or putting weapons on display.
Denial and blame - abusive people are very good at making excuses for their behavior. Often blaming it on you or a bad day at work. They will down play or completely deny that the violence ever occurred.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship you must take immediate measures to protect yourself. Never believe it is easier to stay with an attacker than it is to get out. There are resources available to give you information and help. Contact the National Center for Domestic Abuse at 1-800-799-7233.
Abusers who have talked about suicide or made threats against your life are especially dangerous. Get help as soon as you can. Everyday can be one day closer to your abuser snapping and doing something that cannot be undone. Don't wait until it's too late to get help. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help now.
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Leslie Mitchell has been writing articles online for nearly 2 years now. Not only does this author specialize in Domestic Violence, you can also check out his latest website about:
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