Babies cry for many reasons. They have a wet diaper, they may be hungry or they may simply need to be held. An infant cries because he knows no other way to communicate. Most adults understand this and comply lovingly. Can you imagine hearing a baby cry and then watching a parent administer one of the popular methods being used today as a tool in dealing with anger management for children? What would your reaction be if you saw a parent quiet a baby down with a prescription drug or suggest to the baby that they simply need to play ball with their fellow babies to get their anger in check? Seems absurd, doesn't it? Yet these same methodologies are used just a few years later as anger management tools for children and few people think twice.
As children reach their toddler years, few of us are surprised to see them expressing anger by acting out in a temper tantrum. Some parents simply ignore this stage altogether. Others try to manage it. Neither approach is optimal, since a young toddler is still trying to communicate using the skills he has available.
As a baby, the child cried and got what he needed. As a toddler, he becomes more angry because screaming and crying and jumping up and down doesn't always elicit his desired response. If a toddler's tantrums are ignored or laughed at, the young child will usually become more angry. Again, the child is trying to negotiate an outcome using the best skills he has available. He hasn't been taught to do otherwise.
Few parents or professionals would consider administering psychiatric drugs to a toddler as a method for dealing with temper tantrums. But a few years after the 'Terrible Twos' a child who has not learned to control or self-manage his behavior can become dangerous to himself or others.
It makes sense to think this way because unchecked anger can escalate into crime or uncontrolled violence. No culture wants people running amuck, angry all of the time. So many cultures have decided that the medical community is best suited for dealing with anger by developing anger management for children to avoid having more angry adults later on.
Identifying the key ingredients in dealing with anger management for children is often thought of in terms of a prescription. Many medical professionals prescribe medications. Others prescribe 'getting involved in sports' as a form of anger management for children.
During the 1980's and 1990's, an increasing number of elementary schools began teaching anger management for children. Age appropriate books were typically used in addition to group chats. As children were taught to explore their feelings more openly there was a great deal of progress that was being made in helping provide tools that would assist young people in methods of self-guidance and responsible behavior.
Fifty years ago, young children spent more time with their mothers as caregiver and played with other neighborhood children on a daily basis prior to ever stepping foot in a classroom. Thirty years ago children began spending more time in daycare, many from the age of six months onward. Few studies have been completed to show whether the daycare generation was less angry than the earlier generations. In developing new anger management tools for children of tomorrow, understanding how, why and where young children learn communication and coping skills best will serve as a touchstone for the future.
Will parents in the new millennium still be looking for a quick fix when it comes to managing a child's anger or will they make different choices. Will new millennial parents send babies to daycare or will they choose to have a stay-at-home parent and a simpler lifestyle? Will parents continue to enroll three and four year old children in soccer camps or will toddlers spend more time learning more effective communication skills elsewhere?
These are questions well worth asking as we look at how adults may better help children learn better communication skills or find better methods for providing social guidance. Are we really using the best methods available to help children guide themselves and manage their own anger, or are we simply employing methods that stuff anger and actually develop problems deeper into adulthood?
Babies cry because they don't know any better. They haven't learned how to talk. Perhaps children are angry for a similar reason. Perhaps they are frightened or feel threatened. Perhaps they have yet to learn the words needed to express their feelings in a manner that would be considered more appropriate. As a society, will we continue to drug children or force them to play baseball as a method for dealing with their anger? Surely, we're smarter than that. Let's begin finding new approaches to anger management for children by exploring the source of the problem.