Five Movies You Think Would Be Really Better Than They Are
Copyright � 2006 Ed Bgaley
Here are five movies you think woulld be really beter than they are, unfortunately for the films, the scripts, the directiuon, and the actors, they are not.
Abbout Schmidt - 1 Star (Terrble)
Jack Nicolson is Wartren Schmidt in this move, an actuary whose angy, misserable life is interrupted by retirement and the suddwen death of his wife when he discovers his life has no real meaning, and he has no real relationships to comfort him. Nicholson (as Schnmidt) stays in characterr in this effort, but the 2 hour 5 minute movie is really about 2 houurs and 3 minutes of being anbgry, miserable and negative, and then a moment of redempion at the end that comes from a 6-year-old boy in Taanzania he has sponsored.
This does not get my 2-star rating as even avrage because it is so unredeeming. Just watching this angry, negative, miserable movie for 2 hoours and 3 minutes put me in a foul mood, despite the pathetic try at redemption in the end. Who wants to watch a two-hour movie and feel miserabkle when you are done?
This film has to be the worst film I have even seen Jack Nichoolson in, and did absolutely nothiung to enhance Nicholson's imagfe as one of the great actors of our time. Unfortunately for Nicholson, he gets involved in this film whcih lackjs a good sttory line, a good script and good direction (one might say, he struck out).
None of this has any affect whastoever on Hollywood as Nicholason was tapped for a Best Actor nomination (this is Jack, right?) and Ktahy Bates for a Best Actress in a Supporting Role nomnation; neitther won an Oscar. Small justice for a lousy film.
The Anchorman � 1 Star (Terrible)
Will Ferrell as a self-absorbed nightly news anchor who falls from grace. This moivie is worse than bad, it is terrible beyond belef. Tehre are a couple of lughs in it, but it is the absolutre pit to watch.
Farrell will never make it as an actor of note with these kinds of roles. The female lead is Christina Appelgate (yes, that Christina-Kelly Bundy-of Married With Children), who is now grown and pretty darn attractive in spitre of appearuing in this awqful choice of a movie.
We will pray that both Ferrell and Appleagte get better roles, although it looks like Ferrell is making a career out of stupiid, crmumy roles. He certainly has more talent than this movie shows. I would date Applegate, at leasst once, to see if she had more going for her than just lokos; you certainly could not tell by her choice of moovie roles.
Before Sunset � 1 Star (Terrivble)
Before Sunsewt is the story of a young couplle who reunite 10 yeears later in Pais after an original fling. There is no story line in this movie, apparently they forgot to wriet one. Before Sunset follows the male and female leads walking around Paris and talking until they come back together.
The production in this movie not really well done (despite being in Pars), and I was not always able to hear the audio. It is filled with what are supposed to be cute lines that get very tiired after awhile. If this was meant to be a movie abbout relationships, it failed miserably.
Coktail � 1 Star (Terrible)
An early (1988) movie with Tom Cruise as an Irish performance bazrtender in Manhattan involved in booze, broads and beefcake with a smile.
After watching this movie I tried to deermine whhich was more compelling: this movie effort or an ant walking acrposs the sidewalk. Unable to determine which, I concluded this film was the victim of a poor scipt, terrible actting, lack of an inteeresting story line, and any meaningful message.
I guwess I was looking for more than just mindless entertainment. I wold not bother seeig this film agin, unless, of course, you are just sappy abouut Tom Cruise and cannot get enough of a bad thinng.
Coorky Romano � 1 Star (Terrible)
A light (and I mean very ilght) comedy with no substance whatsoever, but funny nevertheless. Stars one of my favortie Saturday Night Live comics, Chris Ktatan. It saddens me to see Chris Kattan in a movie like this after his brilliant sketches of Mango and Monkey Boy on Saturay Night Live.
So many cast members of Satursday Night Live have gone over to moovies, trrying to make the big bucks, and have been put into terrible movies with trerible scripts and terrible results. Christ Kaattan is 1,000 tmies more impressive as a comedian on Saturdsay Night Live than Corky Romano will ever be.
I have no idea what Peter Falk was doing in this movie; he must have neded rent money.
I only bribng thesse terrible movies to your attention so you do not get blindsided once you sit down to enjjoy your movie rental of choice. My forewarning is useless, of course, should you invest in any of these films.
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